Master Thief Gray Shadow's My Immortal Riff
by Master thief Gray Shadow
Summary: A concept that has been explored before-the tearing down of a legendary badfic. But this time, it is the thief's turn, and I wish to take you with me. I present to you, My Immortal, with insight from yours truly!
1. Chapter 1

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin** (Timberlake...HA! I bet you thought I was gonna say "Beiber." Well, I didn't!)** ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpidtears **(Limpid means colorless, so if your eyes are like limpid tears, then they can't be blue.** **The first of many oxymorons.) **and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). **(Amy Lee is the lead singer of Evanescence. Looks like I'm staying.) **I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. **(Incest fetish much?) **I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. **(So?)** I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England **(Geography FAIL) **where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen **(Coulda sworn you were thirteen.)**.) I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic **(Me too!) **and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. **(Today I'm wearing an Avengers T-shirt and jean shorts, and I am barefoot at the moment.) **I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation **(On already pale skin? Looking like a ghost isn't all that attractive, friend.)**, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining **(Why the hell are you outside then?) **so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. **(But it's snowing and raining!)** A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. **(Charming.)**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. **(William Shatner!) **Draco Malfoy! **(Oh.)**

"What's up Draco?" I asked. "Nothing." he said shyly. **(The cataclysmic storm of OOCness begins with a single drop of rain.)**

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

AN: IS it good? **(In a "so bad it's good" way, yes.) **PLZ tell me fangz!


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX **(SO EDGY!)**

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. **(Such a sudden transition! What happened? Did you go drinking with those friends who called you away from Draco and pass out at the bar?) **It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. **(Storing blood in little bottles...that's kind of cool for a vampire.) **My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. **(I'm wearing a Touhou shirt. Other than that, my outfit's pretty much the same.) **I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. **(My hair's too short to style without mousse-something I don't have on hand at the moment.)**

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) **(Did you ask Raven's permission to put her in the story?)** woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. (**If someone grinned at me with their eyes closed, I'd be calling the exorcist.) **She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation **(I thought I told you that was unattractive.) **and black eyeliner.)

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily. **(She's flirting with him even though she says she's not interested. I think Ebony might be bipolar.)**

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. **(Let's say I was new here. I would not know what "MCR" stands for.)**

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped**, **(**causing me to pass out**.)


	3. Chapter 3

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl **(*cough* You and Raven *cough*) **4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN RAVEN! **(Called it.) **oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. **(But did you accept Draco's invitation or no?)** Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. **(Now I'm wearing an Iron Man shirt!) **I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. **(I could do that...IF I HAD SOME MOUSSE!) **I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. **(...Why?) **I read a depressing book **(called _50 Shades of Grey_)**while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. **(You finally listened.) **I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. **(But aren't those illegal? Arthur wasn't supposed to have that Ford Anglia.) **He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl **(note that by "cool" she means "emo") **boiz wer it ok!).

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice. **(Yet another oxymoron.)**

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) **(Is that even legal?)** and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. **(Kids, this ain't Woodstock, and this ain't a rave. You don't need any drugs.) **When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood  
They're all so happy you've arrived  
The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom  
She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song). **(I haven't heard that song in its entirety, but I have heard that verse, and I kind of like it.)**

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Draco looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on. **(Her brain is still using DSL.)**

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." **(She hasn't said anything sexist, racist, or homophobic, and she isn't a Scientologist. What's there to hate?)** I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled **(So how much beer _did _you drink?) **back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest! **(Well, yeah! He's drunk!)**


	4. Chapter 4

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY **(...You're not even trying. Then again, you're a troll, so that goes without saying.) **nut mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX **(2edgy4me)**

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it(**and fell ten feet)**. I walked out of it **(and fell ten feet) **too, curiously.

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped.

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. **(But his eyes reveal depressing sorrow and evilness! Shouldn't you be nervous?)**

And then… suddenly just as I** [words missing]** Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie **(basketball) **into my you-know-what **(****net) **and we did it **(played basketball) **for the first time.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"

It was….**(AVGN!) **Dumbledore!(**Um...oh. Didn't see that coming.)**


	5. Chapter 5

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache **(...So?) **ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws! **(Keep dreamin'.)**

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dumbledore made **[words missing] **and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted. **(_"Macklemore is a far superior rapper!"_)**

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. **(That can't be good.) **Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry.

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice.

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall.** (I think I can hear Maggie Smith actually saying that. I mean, I'm having trouble imagining her saying "brain-dead dipshits.")**

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape. **(You fail at following people up, Sev.)**

And then Draco shrieked. **(Shrieked. Draco Malfoy. SHRIEKED…WHY.) **"BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms." **(Did you let them off the hook because Draco said that he and Enoby are an item? You're getting soft, Severus.)**

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently.

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. When I came out….

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte. **(So is Draco some sort of creeper? Why is he in front of the bathroom?) **I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. **(Which is why your creeper alarm should be going off!) **We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!(**You said that last chapter, and you updated anyway. I doubt you'll make good on that.)**

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next day I woke up in my coffin. **(_It took me a moment, but then I realized what had happened: I had been buried alive!_) **I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. **(And thus her escape from six feet below the Earth was not chronicled, so we skip to the clothing descriptions instead.) **I spray-painted my hair with purple.

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, **(I know what blood tastes like, and I don't think it would go well with chocolate.) **and a glass of red blood. **(As opposed to orange blood.) **Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face **(...Ew.) **and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore **(Glasses? What do glasses have to do with anything? Wait, are you saying this is…) **and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. **(Oh hell, it is…) **He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Joel Madden. **(Oh. I thought this was Harry.) **He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko. **(What about futanaris? They're girls and they get erections.)**

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Harry Potter, **(FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK HOW COULD YOU DO THIS BESIDES I THOUGHT YOU SAID HE LOOKED LIKE JOEL MADDEN!…FUCK!)**although most people call me Vampire these days." **(FUCK NO!) **he grumbled.

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled.

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered.

"Yeah." I roared. **(_"YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"_)**

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.


	7. Chapter 7: Bring me 2 life

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws **(from Raven)**. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! **(I'll keep an eye out for some.)** STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Evony isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXZ**(random Z)**XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish **(Who cares what color your nail polish is?) **as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish **(Oh my god I don't freaking care!) **(AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…

We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra **(I have never heard tell of a leather bra.) **and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine **(So you ARE a futanari!) **and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?) **(*nods*)**

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. **(So did you see it before, during or after the orgasm?) **It was a black heart with an arrow through it. **(Pfft. Cliche.)** On it in bloody gothic writing were the words… **(_"Your Ad Here"_) **Vampire! **(But that's only one word!)**

I was so angry.

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!"

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. **(One would think Draco Malfoy was a little more self-conscious.) **He had a really big you-know-what **(Zit?) **but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled.


End file.
